A "Politically Correct" Christmass Greeting

A politically correct Christ Mass
Greeting!

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, nonaddictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within
the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice
religious or secular traditions at all . . .

. . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other
cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without
regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to
actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where pribited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of
good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of
the wisher.

This came from a co-worker and may even be origional!

well, I finally told my Mother...

My Mom called tonight and asked how we were doing (family and I). I hedged with "well, fairly well..."

Then, I paused and made a tentative opening: "Mom, would you rather know about a problem and worry about it or not know and not be worried?"

"I'd rathern know."

"Humm, I've talked to Jim recently..."

"When were you diagnosed?"

"On 7 May this year. Dr H----- said I'm a type 2."

"You didn't tell me???"

"Well, we didn't want to burden you." (Which was true!)

"Well, Michael, you really should have told me!"

My mother had been fairly sick at that time, her sister was in hospital and her best friend very ill. She later told me that she appreciated that we had not told her.

So, we talked about this for at least a half hour and I missed the end of a TV show that I had wanted to see (an episode of Stargate:SG1...oh, well). The phone call was much more important to me and I felt a great sense of relief at not having to hide. My wife talked with my mother and said she felt relieved as well...

This just left calling my brother, Charlie. He was quite upset and we had a long talk.

I sent my brother Jeff a copy of the email I sent Jim. I printed it out, made a mailing label for him with the label maker at work and sent it off. I believe that a serious note or letter should be sent via postal service rather than email or fax. There is much more privacy and snailmail (and even fax) lack the sometimes distressing informality of email.

I didn't expect him to respond to my letter and he didn't disappoint me. (OK, I figured how many days it would take to reach his heart in the little "Damn Yankee State" he lives in. For those who are offended by calling a "New England State" a "Damn Yankee State", all I can say is that living in the Deep South [Mississippi] when in school leaves it's impact...)

another brother gets it...

I got an email tonight from my brother Jim. It seems that he took a blood sugar test and his "glycohmoblobin was 6.4" (he said normal was 4-6). So, he is testing his blood and warned me to have my MD test me for this condition (diabetes). Well, he is about 21 months younger than me so I guess it just took him a bit longer.

I wrote him back saying that I already was type 2 and that I didn't want to tell Mom for fear of upsetting her.

He replied that "she probably wouldn't be surprised".

I said that I'd think about it and gave me reasons for not telling Mom.

Bad, bad, bad day!

Tuesday, 7 September 2004, started out fairly hopeful and then crashed.

I had a 9 am appointment with the family MD. I had fasted from 7 pm the night before so I figured with 14 hours of fasting, I should be good for a low blood sugar reading. I "tested" my blood about 8 am and it was fine. (Or so I thought...)

I arrived at my MD's office and remembered that I'd been overpaid on my co-payments; the medical center owed me a "free" visit. I went to the business office and a friendly older lady gave me a form to take the MD's nurse (Midge); I did so. After Midge checked my blood pressure and weight (I had not lost as much weight as I had hoped to!), I waited for the Doc. Hedecided that my blood pressure was too high and had me increase the amount of lisinpril that I take (from 10mg to 20mg) every morning.

He examined my eyes and asked me "when was the last time I had seen an optomopist?" (TheMD version) I didn't know and asked him who he could recommend. He recommended an MD who works on the 2nd floor of the Medical Clinic and set me up with a 10:30 am appointment.

Then, I went to the basement where the lab is and waited for my blood tests. Although there werepeople ahead of me, I was the first one called. This RN lead me through a maze of corridorsbefore handing me a large bottle and pointing to the unisex toilet; I was not expecting to have to fill the bottle. I did so and found my way back to the waiting room and in due course, was bleed. Then, I went upstairs to the main floor and decided to have the Pharmacist print out myblood sample readings since 14 May 2004. I wasn't worried since I knew they were fine!

Boy, was I wrong!

The readings were in the high ridicious region and made me wonder if the medications I wastaking had been a waste of time!

It turned out that the meter was set to the wrong scale and when I had read off a reading with a period in it (i.e. 8.6), I was told that I was reading it wrong and that it really was 86! Struck with a feeling of despair, I went to find my MD and tell him. He had dropped me to one metformin tablet per day a couple of months ago; he put me back on two tablets a day. He said hec ould raise me to a higher level of medication and that was a conforting thought!

After that, I went up to the 2nd floor to check into the eye clinic a bit early. There, I was told they couldn't process my debit card and I had to go back to the billing office. There, I had to wait before a young woman with a very soft voice and hesitant manner asked if she could help me.

I said that I needed to charge $15 on my debit card and she went to do this. When she handed methe form to fill, I reached for her pen instead of going for one of the pens in a can. She freaked and told me "not to take her pen". You're afraid of it being stolen, I said. "No, I'm afraid of disease!"

Strange place for her to be working with that fear. She was a somewhat attractive young womanwith rather small breasts that she was showcasing in a very low cut blouse. I enjoyed the view...

I took a "you've paid" form from the young lady and went back to the eye clinic. There, I had to fill in some paperwork and begin waiting. My appointment was for 10:30 am and I got in around 11 am. There, a person who did not introduce herself took answers to various questions. She left and a slender man in his 60s, wearing a Hawaiian flowered shirt, walked in and introduced himsel fas the Dr. (The shirt was a dead give away!)

We chatted and he tested my eyes. Then, he dilated my eyes with the first drops and said he would be back for the next two sets of drops in a few minutes. Now, I had taken sick leave for the morning and seeing as how there was less than a half hour of morning left, I decided there was no way I could make it to work by noon. So, I called my supervisor, told him I was at the eye doctorand they had just dilated my eyes. I said since it would take 3 hours or so for the effects to wearoff, that I had better "pack it in" and take sick leave for the afternoon. He replied "you won't be feeling like it any way". [coming to work, that is and it turned out he was right!]

The eye exam was mainly this MD shining a light into my eyes and checking for leaking bloodvessels. He found none and said my "blood vessels are fine". That was really good newsto hear after the morning ball cruncher!

After that, I put on my wrap around sunglasses and made my way to my vehicle. In spite of the glare, I could see well enough to drive home. I did have to put my hand over the side of my face to shade it.

I think this marked the end of any denial I might have had...

Diabetes Screening Day, Cancelled...

Well, I made my pitch to the Lions Club Board of Directors and was shot down. These member did not want to be involved. I was told the Senior Centre did monthly Diabetes Screenings. I looked into this and it turns out that you've got to be a member. Well, I was interested in unsuspecting people about 20 years younger than those who can go to the Senior Centre. Those folks told me to "have people go to their family doctors." The problem being, at that age, I didn't have a "family doctor" myself and many such people can't afford a "family doctor".

"Diabetic Screening Day", a update on...

I mailed my letter to the American Diabetics Association a week ago yesterday (i.e. 31 July 2004). I figured it would take until Tuesday (August 3^rd) or Wednesday (August 4^th) to be
delivered. Then, if they immediately acted upon my proposal and sent back a response, tomorrow (Monday the 9^th) will be the earliest that I could expect a response. It will probably be considerably later as they will probably have to spend time conferring on when and if they can afford to send people.

On a different subject, I may have lined up a church to hold this screening event in. (Of course, the others on the Diabetics Education committee will have their opinions of where to hold this!)
I'll be discussing this with the Club Board of Directors this coming Thursday (the 12^th) I've seen the manager of the local Dillions grocery store several times socially lately and I think that I
can hit her up to donate consumables. (i.e. latex gloves, alcohol wipes, needle puncture device, needles, test stripes and glucose testing machines) If she can't donate, I think I can talk her into selling them to us wholesale. (Since I'm not the most charismatic and certainly not a natural sales-person, I think I'll ask some more gifted people to make the sales pitch!)

wine, not just "for thy stomach's sake" anymore (a repeat)

Friday, August 06, 2004 (a cleaned up repeat)

SUBJ: Not just for "thy stomack's sake" but good for losing weight

Reducing fat cell could delay the onset of type 2 diabetes. Who would have thought this
could lead to a reduction in fat cells!

I'll drink to this!

Krispy Kreem donuts, the easy way! (a repeat)

SUBJ: donuts, the easy way! (This is a repeat of a posted blog which
didn't turn out well...

Liquid Krispy Kremes doughnuts! All that good sugar^* without spending calories in having to chew it! Just what we dibetics really need!

^*Yes, this is irony.

Not just for "that stomack's sake" but good for losing weight

Reducing fat cell could delay the onset of type 2 diabetes. Who would have thought this could
lead to a reduction in fat cells! I'll drink to this!

A Diabetes Screening Saturday, first step in arranging for this...

Michael

address deleted

30 July 2004

American Diabetes Association

837 South Hillside

Wichita, Kansas 67211

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a member of a Lions Club and am on our Diabetics Awareness
Committee. I
have been wondering how many undiagnosed diabetics are in or near our
city, and I think it
would be a good idea to have a diabetics screening some Saturday. In the
past, the Lions
Screening bus has gone around Kansas to perform this duty; however,
lately, their schedule has
been somewhat curtailed.

It seems to me that organizing a screening would require:

1. Finding a meeting place. Possibilities include
the Knights of Columbus Hall or the Nazarine
Church (both have hosted Red Cross blood drives). I have not talked to
either organization.

2. Personnel to draw the blood and use the glucose
meter: We need experienced and certified
personnel (your people or local medical personnel) for this. While I am
experienced in drawing
and testing my blood, I lack liability insurance and any professional
certifications.

3. Expendables: I imagine that you have a fairly
large supply of glucose meters, test stripes,
needle devices, alcohol wipes, disposable gloves, etc. If not, perhaps
we could ask Dillions or
Walmart to donate the necessary equipment or sell it wholesale.

4. Expenses: While I think it would nice to have
this a free event, we could conceivable cover the
costs by charging a nominal fee or asking for a free will donation. This
might have the advantage
of attracting only serious attendees.

5. Advertising: I work less than a block from the
local CBS TV station's local affiliate and I
would be pleased to ask them to cover this event. My wife knows the
personnel at the local
newspaper and could arrange for the newspaper to cover this.
The coverage would
include when the screening would occur, what would be involved and
emphasize that everyone
being screened should fast overnight.

I have discussed this with the President of the local Kiwanis Club
and I believe that we could have
members of the Kiwanis and Lions available to provide proper
refreshments and to serve as "go-fers".

I am willing to work on setting this up if we could get your help or
at least your sanctioning.

Very Respectfully,

odnuts, the easy way!

Liquid href="http://money.cnn.com/2004/07/21/news/midcaps/krispy_kreme/index.htm">Krispy
Kremes doughnuts! All that good sugar*
without spending calories in having to chew it! Just what we dibetics
really need!

*Yes, this is irony.

Tired of it all...

Yesterday, we went out to lunch. The Lions normally meet at the Knights of
Columbus hall but the new club President is also a board member at a local
museum. So, we went to the formal dining room of this museum and had a
really nice salad. Well, for $6 each and a choice of water or ice tea it
damned sure better have been nice! (Actually, it was quite a bit nicer than
the current meals at the Knights or maybe that is simply the shock of
something new. When I went to junior college, we got a new catering service
one year and we all thought the new food was wonderful. However, after about
the fifth time we'd had some recipes, we were completely tired of it!)

We were supposed to have ice cream for desert but they never brought it out.
I had been wondering if Carla was going to rag on me about eating ice cream
but she never got a chance.

After the Lions meeting, I went to the first aid course (1:30 - 4:08). It
was supposed to be a two hour course but I kind of helped make it run late.
Then, I decided that I was completely sick and tired of "being good" and
went to Dairy Queen and had myself a medium hot fudge sundae. Well, having
done this, I'm fully ready to "be good" for a while longer...

less pain...

I recently saw an ad for a blood sugar sampling method that promises "less pain"! Well, if you want "less pain", then avoid the fingers and sample off your forearms or tops of your thighs. Just realize that the pain induced is quite trivial and easily ignored (this from someone who flinches when his finger is "pricked"!)

This ad just seems like explotation to me.

As an aside, you can't tell where my brother-in-law Jack Q. is testing his blood just by looking at his forearms...

I guess my "secret" is fairly safe. (Secret? With the exception of my side of the family, my diabetes is known to everyone who matters to me...)

Instruction...

About 8 years ago, I was remembering that my father and his older brother
had gotten into a pissing contest and had not talked to each other from
early spring 1971 to sometime in the late 1980s. I decided that my brother
Jeff and I were in danger of this happening so I wrote my dear brother,
explained this and said it was time to patch up those childhood problems.
Well, me dear brother wrote back saying that if it weren't for us being
brothers, we would never have met. He talked about his life
revolving around his wife, kids, in-laws, co-workers, church friends, etc.,
etc. and effectively disowned me.

I was pissed.

My feelings were hurt.

Well, my youngest brother was also disowned and we felt closer for this.
About two years ago, my brother's Jim and Charlie were with my wife and I at
my Mother's house. Jim explained that Jeff had "driven a wedge between him
and his brothers". Jim didn't know why. I would have figured that Charlie
and I are lowly 5 figure a year worker bees and Jim is in the low 6 figures
and Jeff makes a lot more. We figured that having kids in common and not
being a lowly wage slave would have bonded Jim and Jeff. Apparently not; Jim
was apparently "beyond the pale" as well.

We're going to drive over and see my mother later this summer. She has
scheduled a family dinner and told me that Jeff and his younger daughter
will be coming to town. I was completely shocked! I haven't seen Jeff's
second girl since she was in diapers and now she is in 5th grade! It will be
like meeting the girl for the first time!

Well, I'm going to make the most of this visit as I'm not likely to meet the
girl again until my mother's funeral and then I will likely never see her
again.

So, how do I feel about lying to my family or at least not being candid
about the type 2?

No big deal! I haven't told my parents (mother now) or brothers anything
that really matters to me since I was 13 or 14. This would be about 38 to 40
years of secretiveness and I don't really see anything to be gained by the
speaking. My family has become my wife's father (a widower), my wife's
sisters, their husbands and to a minor extend the nieces and nephews.

I'll change that a little. My youngest brother is in the "family category".
My other brothers are in the brother but not at all close" category. 'Tis
a damn shame, actually. When my brother Jim and I were small boys, people
thought we were fraternal twins (one bigger than the other) since we were
inseparable.

I grieve for the loss of my family and wonder if doing an 8 step and 9 step
"admission of guilt" for my "sins of omission" might help?

too high and then too low...

On Monday, 21 June 2004, I saw my MD as a follow up to the pneumonia. He
asked what my blood sugar readings were. When I told him, he said the
readings were too low! I started this business of two
tabs (500 mg each) per day of metformin and two blood sugar tests a day, two
days a week since he was concerned.

This was a bit of a let down. It would seem that my body is reacting in the
abnormal category. (Like this is a surprise to me? Hugh amounts of caffeine
put me to sleep and commercial sleeping pills have me wandering around the
house, wide awake and stoned. I avoid both...)

Take this test!

For you folks who believe in the slogan from George Orwell's "1984" ("Ignorance is Bliss"), here is a gentle little wake up call. Take this test produced by the American Diabetes Association.

I took it somewhat after the fact and the test was quite accurate.

I "took" it for a co-worker of mine and guessed that he didn't have Diabetes in his family and probably underestimated his weight. My friend came up in the "high risk category!

I think that I'll xerox off the printed version and distribute them to all my co-workers. Perhaps, I can cloak in the guise of a "work place related issue " and get our union steward to "stir her stumps" and distribute the forms (no, this woman isn't probably at risk for diabetes as she is rather slender; very nicely "top sided" but we married men aren't supposed to notice such "d"-lightful things! (Married but definitely not blind!)

Back to an earlier subject: if you think Orwell was unduely pessimistic, reread "1984" or "Animal Farm" and then consider the number of cities putting cameras on the streets...

...a time to keep silent and a time to speak up...

From the Project Gutenberg version of the King James Bible:

"Ecclesiastes 003:007 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;"

Last Thursday (10 June 2004), I took a CPR course at work. This was combined with a first aid course which emphasized the doctrine that falling to the floor unconscious is a serious event and should lead to a hospital visit. They also emphasized that a symptom of shock is "cold clammy skin". (i.e. cold sweat)

I went home and one standing in front of my couch when I suddenly realized that I wasn't breathing. Everything went a dark gray and I remember thinking  "I'd better start panting or I'm going to collapse." The next thing I knew, I realized I was sitting on the floor and felt a sharp pain over the base of my skull. I looked around the room and from the appearance of things, it looked like I had fainted and struck the folding TV tray; the stuff on it was stead over the living room. Something had hit a table lamp next to the couch and it was on the floor.

I was having trouble breathing and couldn't stop deep breathing. I tried my asthmatic inhaler to no avail. I tried the old "breath in for 5 second, hold for 5 seconds and breath our for 5 seconds". (I still thought that I was simply hysterical and not suffering from a lung problem.) When Kathie got home, I talked about everything else first and mentioned in passing
that I had fainted. She was very upset. (I'll explain why in a few sentences.)

I called my MD's office and both he and his nurse were out of the office. None of the other Md. or Nurse Practitioners had openings. I was advised to go to the Emergency Room and go to the Family Practice room. We did. A nurse asking my symptoms asked "are you a diabetic"? I was rather startled and replied "yes". A couple of minutes later, I asked "why
did you ask if I am a diabetic"? Her reply: "what happened to you was a classic diabetic action".

I had been thinking of telling my Mother that I had fainted, had trouble breathing and went to the hospital. That business of "classic action" reminded me that my Mother is a highly skilled RN (albeit retired). She would undoubtedly realize that I'm a diabetic and I have been trying to avoid her finding out. So, the letter I eventually wrote was nicely sanitized
of any diabetic related information.

What had upset my wife and would have really upset my Mother is something that I had blocked out: the day before my Father died of congestive heart failure, he had gone to the bathroom and after leaving it said "I just fainted". Ok, so, he was a type 1 diabetic, had been a 2-3 pack a day unfiltered cigarette smoker for about 35 years and had had a triple bypass years before. He was far less healthy that I am! But, that
is no excuse when you consider the comparison!

They checked my blood oxygen level and found it to be 68% normal. No wonder I was out of breath.

They then took  me back to an examining room, put me on O₂, wrapped a blood pressure cuff around my right arm and then left me there for a while. About a half hour later, the second nurse to see me "handed me off" to a third nurse, wrapped a name tag around my right wrist and kept scaring me by talking about "checking me in". To me, that sounded like a "room with[out] a view" for the night. They
finally reassured me that I wasn't going to be a "house guest for the night". They took a blood sample and left.

The MD finally arrived and we had a long talk about my symptoms. Dr. Johnson said it wasn't heart related but needed to see X-rays. They offered to wheel me to the X-Ray room in a wheelchair and I politely declined this offer. The X-Ray tech was a fine young man with a Caribbean accent. I could understand maybe 60% of what he said. (My wife said one of the nurses complained bitterly about the difficulty of understanding this young man.)

Dr. Johnson explained the images on the two X-Ray images and said I had pneumonia.

After that, it was just a matter of getting a very large shot in the butt and going to a local drug store to buy the medicine  (ZITHROMAX
TAB 250 MG). I then went out to work, filled out and turned in a leave [of absence] request form and showed the acting boss the "Medical excuse form". The "medical excuse form" was an order for me to stay at home, rest and not exert myself. It was a good thing that I had this as my acting boss didn't seem to happy at having to authorize my time off. He is one of those fellows who never gets sick and doesn't believe in missing work for merely being sick...

As an aside, I wonder why my acting boss, who is scheduled to work 8 am to 4:30 pm, was still there at past 8 pm?

Then, it was home to take the first two pills, pain killers for headache and body pain and drinking lots of water.

When I have an upper respiratory disorder and cough a lot, I strain my vocal cords and end up with laryngitis. So, my mother called the evening of Sunday, the 13th and asked about my voice. I told her it was pneumonia and she got quite upset. I reassured her that the prognosis was good and I believe the Do.

This was just confirmation that I should keep my mouth shut about this. I know folks who say with sincerity "We all have our crosses to bear". Well, the knowledge of "my" diabetics is my "cross to bear" and is now something my wife and her father bear; it is not a cross for my Mother to bear. She has had to carry too damn many crosses of
her own...

This is probably going to be about the longest of my diatribes.

Verbosely yours,

Michael

P.S.: I suppose it would not hurt to leave my last name as the folks who know my writing style will correlate name and style easily. But, being secretive by nature, I will leave it one of life's little mysteries...

PS2: I wrote this in Word proofread it in Word; I didn't check what Word changed the final time I used the Word proofreader and it replaced "X-Ray" with "Ray". What a system!?!?!?!

Not a good morning...

I don't eat before my morning blood sugar test. So, I sat down this morning and was more than a bit shakey. I put the test strip into the meter and used the needle device to poke a hole in my left arm. Not enough blood. So, I recocked the device and put another hole in my arm. I put the strip against the blood drop and the meter did not respond. I pushed the meter against the spot again and got a FAILURE MESSAGE on the meter.

This mean the test strip was useless.

I cursed, put a fresh strip in the meter, poked a new hole in my arm and made sure there was plenty of blood in the drop. This time, the meter ""liked the amount of blood available and gave me a reading of 73. (Normal reading for me should be 70 to 150 units so I'm fine!)

This was not a good morning.

This was the morning that blood testing suddenly got old and the rush of excitement at the "new thing" has worn off...

Now, off to get meself weighed. (Ah, more disillusinment?)

Weight loss and changes to eating habits...

My family MD said the metformin (or metformin hydrochloride or glucophage) would help me lose weight. I thought this simply meant a reduced appetite but I now think it had more to do with changes in my eating habits. In the past, when I work the 5 am to 1 pm shift, I would get up at 4:15 am, walk our dog and eat something about 4:30 am. Then, I would be quite hungry by 8 am and have a second breakfast. Lunch followed at 1:15 pm and I'd eat dinner between 6 pm and 7 pm. I was eating too much but then I was trying to blend my schedule and my
wife's. Well, with the need to fast before the blood test at or about 7 am, I couldn't eat that 4:30 am breakfast. I decided that if I ate then on non-blood testing days then my body would be expecting breakfast at 4:30 am. I quit eating at 4:30 am and have gotten used to feeling hungry till I eat between 7:30 am and 8:30 am.

I am now used to being hungry in the late morning and early afternoon before going home to eat lunch. I do confess to occasionally having a snack or two during the morning. I also have given up on eating snacks before going to bed when I'm on the 3 pm to 11 pm shift. That may have been the real reason for me losing weight.

Anyway, I went shopping for summer shorts and it appears that I've lost about 4 inches of girth. (Of course, my trousers don't feel any looser so I have to question my optimistic assumption.) I'll go weigh myself tomorrow and see what the past month has led to...

Preception vs Reality and Cautionary Tales...

It finally occurred to me that folks concentrate on any serious illness that someone might have and don't think much of any other traits of that person. For example, I think of my brother as being a diabetic and don't think of him as the fellow who is about to be divorced, as the fellow who likes "Calvin and Hobbs" cartoons, as the youngest brother I used to tell stories to when he was a pre-nursery school type. (I haven't really known him since I enlisted in the U.S. Navy in 1970 and left home forever.) I've been trying to do better.

I used to work with a man named "Carl" who was your basic out-of-control type 1 diabetic. Carl was subject to severe mood swings and would often get pedantic when he should have been practical. (i.e. When you've got a crisis because your computer network is down and I'd ask him for help in relaying data, I didn't need a lecture on how to relay the data,
I need Carl to push the buttons and make the relay happen!

One of the stories about Carl is that he was seen giving himself an insulin shot in evening. Carl was going to a party and planned on having chocolate cake; he was guessing the proper insulin dosage. (Carl died of complications early in 2004.)

I remember seeing my late father do the same thing and also inject himself before planning on drinking a lot of beer at a steak barby. Christ Mass of 2003, I saw my baby brother wander off into the kitchen and give himself a guesstimated shot because he was planning on eating Christ Mass cake and pie! Well, he's not dead yet but he'd better get his shit together...
I tend to worry about him and tend to worry about losing my feet, etc.

So, I don't plan on telling many folks who know me for fear of being seen only as "the diabetic" and not as me!

Are there rumours floating about me?

On May 26th, I sat down across from a co-worker (and friend for that
matter) and said:

"What rumors have you heard about me?"

"Nothing! I'd don't hear any rumors; I'm too busy trying to dig myself
out from the hole I'm in." (This man is still trying to survive a couple
of DWIs...)

"Well, on May 7th, I was diagnosed as being a diabetic and I'm wondering
if anyone has talked about that?"

"Humm. I thought Jesse was the new diabetic. I saw the links to diabetic
website and figured it was him."

"No, it was me." (I wonder how to tell Jesse as he is quite overweight;
he is maybe 8 years younger than me and might not be there yet...)

So we discussed me being "on the pill", testing for blood
sugar levels and that was that.  It also affirmed my suspicion that
people were editing my "favorite" list on browser and could explain who
removed my link to the Scotsman online

I learn to use the Blood Sugar Meter (ane what a joke that was)...

Feeling rather strange, I went to the clinic on Monday, 9 May 2004. Kathie and her father stayed home as I was simply going to pick up the medications and the blood sugar testing stuff. I was wrong...

The Pharmacist was out to lunch and was due "back in 15 minutes" so I sat down to wait. I wait closer to a half hour (it must be nice to be the boss and thus able to set your own hours.) While waiting, a friend (a retired minister) in his 70s came in. I told him why I was there and he said he was a diabetic himself and had been taking "the pill" for years. It was a comforting feeling to know that I wasn't the only person with this problem.

The Pharmacist had the medicines all right but no instructions on which blood sugar meter to sell me. He had a little pen shaped needle device meant for poking holes in one's finger. I asked for one that would punscure the forearm. He also had a couple of varieties of testing devices, some cheap and the best a bit more expensive. I told him that I wanted the "take-it-from-the-arm" device and he said he'd check with the family MD. Unfortunately, the family MD and his nurse had taken the afternoon off. I said that I'd be back the next morning between 9 am and 9:30 am.

We (Kathie, her visiting father and I) rolled in at almost 10 am on Tuesday, 11 May 2004. The Pharmacist had asked the family MD which blood sugar tester to sell me. Dr. H. said to leave it up to me...

I figured that if I was going to be using this blood sugar tester for years to come, I might as well buy the expensive one, the US$80 one. I asked the Pharmacist how to use it. He pulled out the device and showed it to me; then, he gave me the pen shaped puncture device and said to practice with a supply of old test strips. At this time, my MD's nurse (Midge) showed up and took charge of the situation. We went to a vacant treatment room and got ready.

First, we had to calibrate the meter by setting the time in it. (We used my wrist watch as I had set it to the nearest second a few days before.) Then, we tried opening the pen to put a needle in. We could not get the damned thing to open. We thought we were in danger of breaking it when Dr. H (family MD) stuck his head in the door. He showed us how to open it and insert the needle.

Next, it was time to learn how to use the device.

I figured that since I was going to be using it, then I should be the one to be stabbing myself. We wiped off a section of my left forearm, set the needle depth at a medium range and I stabbed my arm. You could tell that a hole had been made but no blood came out. I then reset the needle depth for the maximum and after a total of seven (7!) trials, realized this needle was never going to lead to a geyser, just dry holes. I poked the finger and it bleed nicely. Then, a last failure on the forearm. Midge went and got a different variety of needle device, one with a stronger spring and made for forearms. This produced a nicely productive hole.

We were in business and we then tried using the testing device. We couldn't get it to work. Dr. H dropped by to see how we were doing and told us the test strip had to be positioned just right for capillary action to suck in the blood. After that, it worked just fine.

By this time, it was past 10:30 am and Kathie and her father had been sitting out front in the waiting room. I bought the required gear and we left. Kathie said that she'd seen quite a number of people that she knew and they had not gotten bored.

When I went to work that night, I told my boss that I'd become a diabetic and would be taking blood sugar readings twice a day, two days a week. (Tuesday and Friday about 7 am and 7 pm.) John, my first level supervisor simply listened and said "OK". My second level supervisor was obviously creeped out at the notion of poking holes in one's self and asked if there was anything that I needed. I said "no" and that I would be doing this in private.

That evening, I wondered over to an office cube that was hidden from the rest of the audience and did my first at work test. It was far more stressful planning for and anticipating the blood test than it was to do it. Odd how that can happen...

the MD speaks...

I am now a diabetic (type 2).

This is the day that I was forced to realize that I am a diabetic and will have to accept that. I've suspected that I was close to being diabetic or actually a diabetic for about 3 years now; I was simply in denial. But, the Fasting Blood Sugar test of 195 (after fasting for roughly 13 hours) was pretty damningly convincing; I am now a diabetic and will have to deal with this.

I will be on a pill (metforman), two pills a day. I'll have to test my blood sugar twice a day, two days a week. Dr. H. says he'll write a script for a finger testing machine; I would rather have urine strips or that sample-from-the-arm that is being advertised on TV. Either way, I am not looking forward to having to endure this. Oh, taking the pills (not a needle, Thank God!)
will just mean adding another pill to my morning regime of lisinopril (10mg) and the buffered aspirin (81mg). That simply means that I have to keep track of when the pills will run out and make sure that I keep supplied. (Maybe I can get the VA to start supplying me at a cheaper rate than the hospital rate of $18 per month?)

I wonder if this will keep me from donating blood?

It is the stabbing my finger that has me getting stressed...

Kathie and I talked about this briefly. The Doc called her, she had him call me and called me after Dr. H. talked with me. I don't want to stress my mother with this or my brother Charlie either. (Part of what killed my father was dibetics and my brother Charlie has been in and out of hosipials for years and recently lost his right leg in mid thigh.) I'm not sure how my
brother Jim would react (probably unemotionally) and I really don't know how Jeff would react. (Would he even care? I'm too estranged from him to think it would care. Would he just get snippy and snide about me not losing 100 pounds years ago? That is the snitty response and probably the "real life" response.)

I'll have to start checking my feet and will probably get overly concerned about them.

I'll be worrying that if I don't lose weight, I will end up having to "move up to" the needle and I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to face that...

After my MD called, I told Fritz and several other people in the office (Jen, Rick and one or two others) about this. They were sympathetic and that helped. I didn't tell my immediate supervisor as he was gone for the day or the office manager as he was in his office. By the time the "big boss" had left his office, I was not in the mood to talk about this. I'm not in denial anymore but just didn't want to discuss it...

There is a great Calvin and Hobb cartoon where in:

Miss Wormwood: "Calvin, do you know what state you live in?"Stern expression on her face.

Calvin, eyes rolling: "Denial."

Miss Wormwood, muttering: "I can't argue with that."
Walked off, shaking her head.

Waiting For the Shoe to Drop...

My father "came down with" type 1 diabetics when he was about 9 years older than I am now. It helped that he had been a 2-3 pack-a-day unfiltered cigarette smoker for about 35 years because of what that did to much of his body. So, they removed a big vein from his left leg and used that to triple bi-pass his heart in 1974. This was the leg that later "went bad" and resulted in the MDs whittling his left leg off and his right foot forward of the foot arch. He died about 5:20 PM PST on 3 February 1994 from heart failure.

My youngest brother is a type 1 Juvenile onset diabetic; he "came down with" this disease when he was about 14 years old. I don't know for sure as I was overseas in the Navy at a lovely little place in the Southeast Pacific (Guam). My brother's right leg was removed in mid-thigh in early spring 2004.

I worry about my brother quite a bit but don't want my immediate family to worry about me. So, while I've told my father-in-law, I can't bring myself to tell my brothers or my mother. I don't think my brothers will find this blog...

But, if my family does find out and I haven't told them, I recommend they try denial, thinking good thoughts about my health and just think that I couldn't be a diabetic because surely I would have told them. (This is denial on my part as my family know how secretive I tend to be...)

So, why am I sprewing this out? Because my wife is embarrassed when I do mention "my condition" and posting my remarks to a blog sounds like a private confession that few will read. sigh