had gotten into a pissing contest and had not talked to each other from
early spring 1971 to sometime in the late 1980s. I decided that my brother
Jeff and I were in danger of this happening so I wrote my dear brother,
explained this and said it was time to patch up those childhood problems.
Well, me dear brother wrote back saying that if it weren't for us being
brothers, we would never have met. He talked about his life
revolving around his wife, kids, in-laws, co-workers, church friends, etc.,
etc. and effectively disowned me.
I was pissed.
My feelings were hurt.
Well, my youngest brother was also disowned and we felt closer for this.
About two years ago, my brother's Jim and Charlie were with my wife and I at
my Mother's house. Jim explained that Jeff had "driven a wedge between him
and his brothers". Jim didn't know why. I would have figured that Charlie
and I are lowly 5 figure a year worker bees and Jim is in the low 6 figures
and Jeff makes a lot more. We figured that having kids in common and not
being a lowly wage slave would have bonded Jim and Jeff. Apparently not; Jim
was apparently "beyond the pale" as well.
We're going to drive over and see my mother later this summer. She has
scheduled a family dinner and told me that Jeff and his younger daughter
will be coming to town. I was completely shocked! I haven't seen Jeff's
second girl since she was in diapers and now she is in 5th grade! It will be
like meeting the girl for the first time!
Well, I'm going to make the most of this visit as I'm not likely to meet the
girl again until my mother's funeral and then I will likely never see her
again.
So, how do I feel about lying to my family or at least not being candid
about the type 2?
No big deal! I haven't told my parents (mother now) or brothers anything
that really matters to me since I was 13 or 14. This would be about 38 to 40
years of secretiveness and I don't really see anything to be gained by the
speaking. My family has become my wife's father (a widower), my wife's
sisters, their husbands and to a minor extend the nieces and nephews.
I'll change that a little. My youngest brother is in the "family category".
My other brothers are in the brother but not at all close" category. 'Tis
a damn shame, actually. When my brother Jim and I were small boys, people
thought we were fraternal twins (one bigger than the other) since we were
inseparable.
I grieve for the loss of my family and wonder if doing an 8 step and 9 step
"admission of guilt" for my "sins of omission" might help?
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