On 10 December 2009, about 1:10 am, my youngest brother Charles Andrew Bell died of heart failure. He was 44 years, one month old and had been a juvenile onset type 1 since he was about 14. (This should have spurred me to learn everything I could about Diabetes then and not after my MD called me on the phone and said "Mr. Bell, you're a diabetic" on 7 May 2004.)
My brother Jim, who lived fairly close to Charlie, called me at 3:12 am to pass the news. Ironically, this was just before my alarm was to go off (at 3:15 am) and I thought the phone was my alarm clock...
Charlie died without a will and had refused to give Jim a Power of Attorney several days earlier. This meant that Charlie's corpse was in the Hospital Morgue.
Jim had a lawyer friend create paper work declaring Jim to be Charlie's "Successor" (not "Executor"). Then, he had our other brother (JJ) and I sign the paperwork agreeing to this, get the paperwork notarized and fax it back.
Jim had Charlie's corpse moved to the Funeral Home that had "served" our parent's and several family friends (his choice sounded fine to me). We discussed cremation versus embalming and subsequent burial in emails and we all agreed to cremation. This required Jim to send us forms to be filled out, notarized and faxed back. (It was an easy choice: have you compared the costs of both?)
Jim then negotiated the Memorial Service date with the Minister, JJ and I. This was more than just a "
the brothers will decide"; our wives and Jim's kids all had their opinions.
We submitted ideas for songs to be played at the Memorial Service and appropriate Bible Verses (reading my verses was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Charlie was 14 years younger than me and I wasn't supposed to be burying him; he was supposed to be burying me decades from now!)
Then, it got to be much more of a pain in the ass for Jim. He had to go through all of Charlie's bills to find out who he owed money to. One creditor refused to tell Jim the total size of the debt without Charlie's written permission; I guess that didn't understand what "he's dead" meant? When Jim stated the amount given on this creditor's bill (around $400), they blurted out "oh, he actually owes us $8,000!"
Charlie had used his car title on for a loan and we had to pay off that loan to get title back in order for Jim to sell Charlie's car. He had borrowed from his life insurance so that was rather anemic.
Charlie shared an apartment with a friend. We agree the roommate could have any of Charlie's worldly goods that he wanted (save for the car). Jim put what was left in his garage and Jim, JJ, my wife and I went through these items deciding who would take what and what would go to Good Will or the garbage. I still have a big box of his stuff in my Father-in-Law's garage and will have to arrange to retrieve it later...
Years ago, at a family get together, I was told that I'd become a "
Cautionary Tale". My nephew and niece was told "
Uncle Mike" stories and admonished not to "
be like Uncle Mike". There were some stories I didn't remember and some I didn't want to remember. There were some lessons to be learned from my brother.
1. Have a will listing who is your executor! Don't make the relative tasked with looking after your affairs have to spent time with the lawyer.
2. Write down what you want done with your body and who you want to cremate or embalm you.
3. In your will, list who gets which of your items. Your relatives might not think your valuables are so valuable.
4. Have a list of all your debts (a simple ledger sheet would work).
5. List your email accounts and your passwords, any blogs you are on, your social network accounts, etc.
Having written this list, I realize that I haven't done 1, 3 and 4 because I think my wife will outlive me. I haven't done 5 because it is a hassle and because I'm not sure I care if these accounts become orphans.
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